Support groups are still necessary
Lately I've been thinking about whether in-person support groups are still relevant for women and men affected by breast or ovarian cancer. People are busy, and in-person connection has often been replaced by technology. Since people tend to be more willing nowadays to talk about their diagnoses, perhaps there's less need to offer a formalized forum for conversation.
But I think support groups remain necessary, and in some instances, critical.
When I joined a SHARE support group 19 years ago, I learned how strangers from different backgrounds could come to care for each other as they faced a cancer diagnosis and treatment. The eight people in my group continued to meet even after our group ended, helping each other through some difficult times and celebrating together as well.
Recently, I sat in on several SHARE support groups in Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx. In Brooklyn, there was a new woman who had just been diagnosed. She shared her fears with the seven other women about how her life felt so different and how difficult it was for her to experience herself in this new life.
She worried about how she would take care of her elderly parents, whether she could continue to work, whether she would ever stop crying, how she could deal with losing her long hair, whether she could make the difficult decisions she was confronting.
I watched this group enfold her, respectfully and lovingly. Some described similar fears; others talked about similar situations. Some gave advice; others just reached out a hand. All made it clear that they would be there for her.
Witnessing this, I came away with a renewed understanding of how crucial support groups can be.
Most of us have a visceral need for community, and we search for that sense of belonging in different parts of our lives. SHARE understood this need more than 30 years ago, when its founders brought women together to support each other through breast cancer.
They understood that survivorship creates a unique bond among those affected, and that support groups could nurture this bond and satisfy a primal need, at the same time that they helped women through an often terrifying experience.
In my support group, I got the chance to feel connected with others even while feeling disconnected from myself; I could be honest with myself and with others despite how frightened I felt; I learned to be vulnerable without feeling weak; and I came to care for and sometimes love people who had once been strangers.
There is no substitute for this in-person support group experience. This is why SHARE will continue to take the chance to offer support groups to those who may no longer be accustomed to this kind of communication. In the process, perhaps we'll enrich and empower a whole new generation.
Posted September 8, 2009.
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