What are your enduring side effects of cancer?
Five years after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I still suffer side effects. I have no evidence of disease now (knock on wood, cross my fingers). So why do I -- born a Jew, raised a Unitarian -- carry a lucky rock, a Buddha medallion, and a medal of St. Agatha, the patron saint of breast cancer, in the bottom of my handbag?
And why do movies that once made me laugh now make me cry? Even pratfalls make me wince. And a sad story -- in the newspaper or a novel, it doesn't matter -- will keep me awake and worried for days.
On the other hand, I used to nurse grudges and dwell on dissatisfactions. I still do, but not as much. I feel happier than I used to, lucky that I got these five years, aware that I came close to missing them -- and aware that I may have hard times ahead.
Superstitiousness, a low anxiety threshold, unreasonable cheerfulness: these are my enduring side effects. What are yours?
Posted August 24, 2010.
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