What Do You Call Your Doctor? What Does Your Doctor Call You?

By Barbara Krauser

The New York Times recently had an interesting article entitled "Exam-Room Rules:What's in a Name?" Reading it brought to mind a dilemma I have frequently faced. Do I call Dr. Frank Cranston, Dr. Cranston or Frank? Does he call me Ms. Krauser or Barbara? Who makes this decision? On what basis is it made?

In thinking over my relationships with my doctors, I have discovered the following: If I am addressed by my last name, I use the doctor's title and last name; if I am addressed by my first name, I may flounder. If the doctor is a woman, I'll probably call her by her first name, and chances are she has introduced herself using her first name.

If the doctor is a man, and he has introduced himself as Dr. Eric Marshall, and uses my first name, I'll probably call him Eric. But, if he introduces himself as Dr. Marshall and uses my first name, I'll be annoyed, probably won't say anything and probably will avoid calling him anything.

There are power and authority issues here. There are questions about how we define our relationship. It's a confusing issue.

I find myself most comfortable with women physicians with whom I am on a first name basis. In this situation, I feel that we are collaborators dealing with my health.

How about you?

Posted December 17, 2009.

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Comments

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I am very informal, I favor first names. But I agree that it is probably best to match the method used by the doctor. Some are very strong on their 'privilege', but most likely they would NOT last as my doc.

Ann F.
www.annieappleseedproject.org

— Ann Fonfa

I sympathize with the nomenclature issue, but I have to say that a more compelling pair of questions for me, particularly during the serial crisis that is cancer, is WHEN do you call your doctor? And WHEN does your doctor call you?

Although the willingness to establish equal footing by encouraging the use of first names is a good sign, I will always nurse a grudge against the doctor who told me to call her by her first name—and repeatedly left ominous messages on my answering machine on Fridays after critical tests but didn't return my calls until well into the following week. She seemed so sweet—but her failure to answer my calls until it was convenient for her was an act of psychological violence. On the other hand, I have a very formal male doctor, who goes by his last name though he calls me by my first, who is scrupulous about calling immediately after every test to tell me the news—good or bad—and is willing to play phone tag until we have had a live conversation. And I feel teary when I think of his kindness in doing so.

There is a special place in heaven for doctors and other medical personnel who make themselves accessible by phone or e-mail on weekends!

— Megan

Barbara Krauser

Barbara is former director of SHARE's Hotlines. She is a breast cancer survivor and a volunteer with SHARE.

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